Well I knew things would be tense on my way out the door during Hollywood's holiday weekend-long takeover of a major public thoroughfare in my desperate, starstruck little town.
Whoring
I had parked my bike on Euclid Ave and had to cross into the film set which extends from E 18th to E 6th.
As I unlocked my bike at E 14th and (reluctantly, shamefully) headed east along Euclid so I could cross the street and GO HOME I witnessed a Gestapo-like, 100-200 strong army of dickheads with walkie talkies herd several homeless types who had wandered down Euclid into doorways so they could film another 2 second shot of their mostly digitized 'blockbuster' crap-ass action movie.
They achieved this with derision and snide little comments of disbelief as if "doesn't everybody in this little decimated city know we are from Hollywood and have come here to save you?"
When they started at me they got a surprise.
First I heard them chuckle, "No he isn't in the movie, ha ha," before they demanded I get off the street; yes I mean demanded I get off the street, as if they were all the personal bodyguards of Samuel L. Jackson.
I told the little assholes to fuck themselves and they had no right to shut off a major public street for an entire weekend.
Keep in mind that at lunch I had already watched as the second little army of publicly funded Cleveland cops, who should be out oh, I don't know...policing the city(?) barked loudly and authoritatively at any pedestrian who even looked like they were going to cross the street.
See What Can Happen When The Cops Are Starring in Movies?
I did get the attention of a cop but he decided it was more important to keep yelling at the automobiles trying to use the street as well. Good thing or I'm sure I would have had a nightstick up my ass by the time it was over.
I was pretty damn angry.
The irony of it all is that they were filming a crazy crashy automobile scene, you know, the stock content of every superhero blockbuster since superhero blockbusters first transformed films into movies.
Yes, a celebration of automobile violence.
Last time Hollywood was here I was in a bar in my trendy neighborhood when we happened upon a couple hollywood guys on a slow Monday night.
They only seemed interested in us as characters, wanting us to perform as some sort of down and out blue collar slobs for them.
One of my friends and I are professional and amateur actors, (respectively) so they seemed surprised and disappointed after they had bought us a beer. They then wanted to know where they could go to experience the 'real Cleveland,' perhaps a bar with all Harvey Pekars all the time!
So, you may like superhero blockbusters and special effects but it's not about that. It's not about the ephemeral rise in hotel and restaurant revenue, blah blah blah.
It's about the arrogance of a billion dollar film company taking advantage of a rust-belt city to avoid paying California taxes and treating the city like shit, including its musicians:
Let us tell you how real hollywood music is done
The movie is set in Washington DC and other more important places.
Cleveland will not be mentioned, just like it wasn't in The Avengers, or Spiderman 3.
Maybe my bicycle will be famous. It was in the shot all day.
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